DISCLAIMER: This blog is being used to help me deal with the passing of our daughter Emelina, whom was delivered stillborn on Feb 21. These are MY feelings and I will not be sorry for having them.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

20 weeks

Pregnancy the third time around has been a struggle... Up until this week I have been sick and very tired. My back hurts are simply said pregnancy and I don't match.

I am so afraid to be excited that 20 weeks in I have shopped for nothing (not that I need to) ... I have had no interest in anything baby related other then purchasing a few things for my sister ( my youngest sister is due with her first daughter this month).

We had an ultrasound at 12 weeks and all the testing came out good, tomorrow I will attend the 20 week ultrasound... Without M as he is in the field so instead I go with Cat and send him all the pictures tomorrow night. It is days like this that I am sooo very alone this pregnancy and fearful everyday. There is no friend to come to the appointments just me and Cat which terrifies me too... Incase something goes sideways because it DOES... Feb 20th 2012 is a day I still relive. 

Every day I have to remind myself to be strong when in actuality I am so afraid. 

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