DISCLAIMER: This blog is being used to help me deal with the passing of our daughter Emelina, whom was delivered stillborn on Feb 21. These are MY feelings and I will not be sorry for having them.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

I hate...

The question is Cat your only child... When Emelina first passed away I would say yes... Now I say no her sister passed away 2 years ago. I hate the look of pitty but I have been told I need to open up more and funny enough by doing it and admitting I am changing roles for my daughter it feels earn more respect. It took 2 years to finally be able to say out loud that I have two children but I am finally ready.

With my sister pregnant with her first though I am struggling to be happy for her... Here I move into the hardest week of my year and she is celebrating as is my family while I sit alone wondering why ... 

Some days I know why...

... Because I am strong enough even when I want to quit
... Because I have friends and family who are by my side through it
... Because it made me change not only my place to live but ultimately my career
... Because I have taught as much as I have leant
... Because every thing happens for a reason 

And because I would not be ME without Emelina in my life.

Next week we celebrate her... No fan fare, just Cat and donating birthday kits like last year and doing random acts of kindness. I feel bad but I honestly have no desire to drive to Edmonton and more importantly M is working... We live each day with Emelina in our hearts that is all that matters.

<3 In our hearts forever, Emelina Danyelle, February 21, 2012 <3

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