DISCLAIMER: This blog is being used to help me deal with the passing of our daughter Emelina, whom was delivered stillborn on Feb 21. These are MY feelings and I will not be sorry for having them.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

I am still here...

I have had so many posts in my head of late but just no time...so tonight thanks to a headache that has been in bed I am finally going to write out a few of them...

This past 2 months has been INSANELY busy between work and home...July 5th saw me completing in my very first Spartan race it was okay...I struggled right off the start because of my "sprained" ankle turns out it is most likely a torn ligament as it is still not healed (14 weeks later :-( ) this had my family leave me in the dust and I almost quite...but I came across another team at the right moment and it was because of a wonderful Trainer (Karl) and his client (Nicole) that I finished. Honestly the NICEST people ever and when I was going to give up they pushed me and I, in turn helped Nicole when she was set to give up. This reemphasized to me that I NEED to keep persevering even when i want to quit...which is so very similar to grieving even when you feel life is at its darkest the next day it will lighten a little bit.

After that we started to get ready for our move into a new rental home so so much closer to work in a MUCH better area for our family. The move went great but the unpacking had me working 9 hour days and unpacking for 4-6 hours each night as I was trying to get it done...well at least the first two floor before we left for vacation. The house we came from had a 2 car garage full of stuff...the new place NO garage, no shed, really no storage space at all...so we are having to really evaluate what we NEED, WANT and really what I can sell. I managed to get the first two floors done but at the cost of the basement which now needs to be done as my little Brother is moving in with us this week and he needs space...so back to the long days.

The move was way more emotionally for me then I thought it would be with all the infant stuff being unpacked from the bin and not having a place for it...it forced me to attempt to make some decisions...turned out I didn't need to make any as my cousin announced that he and his new wife are pregnant and we are going to lend them the larger items. This is a much appreciated relief as it is all the big stuff, crib, car seat etc, all the items I got used the rest I will see about when their child is born. This allows me to know I am getting the stuff back so that we can make a decision later next spring about adding another child to the family.  I have been back and forth on this and honestly can't make up my mind so we are going to leave it, and continue to explore our careers and really just making Calgary home.

We spent 10 days on holidays, 4 with my great family in Grande Prairie celebrating the marriage of my cousin to his new wife, it was a country themed wedding that was perfect as we have all been gearing up with the move to Calgary and the STAMPEDE that occurs each July that the WHOLE city celebrates.

After we left to head to the Shuswsap in BC and spent almost 5 days with my friend K and her family, honestly it was exactly what we needed a week of sun, pool, and beach. 
We had so much fun we are seriously thinking about purchasing an RV lot in the next few years here. Some pictures of our great week


Of all of our vacations this year this one was truly the best one. We just enjoyed our time with no stress and no disappointments. Sometimes last minute things pay off as this vacation came together 3 days before we left for Grande Prairie. 

Our life is the complete opposite to what I thought it would be 2 years ago, but I am finally starting to be thankful...truly thankful for my daughter, my husband and the people that chose to come on this journey with us. I am not the person I was nor will I ever be...But that is not a bad thing it is different.

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