DISCLAIMER

DISCLAIMER: This blog is being used to help me deal with the passing of our daughter Emelina, whom was delivered stillborn on Feb 21. These are MY feelings and I will not be sorry for having them.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Life...

2 years ago today... I found out I was pregnant with our second child... And I was so excited ...Then I got the worst news any parent hears 16 months and 19 days and honestly I have yet to be happy with life... Almost every day I hate it... This is not the life I should be living. We moved in hopes it would help... It does not..we travel I end up miserable. I start training it ends with a sprained ankle and a race I get left behind in and I end up hating as I was not prepared and basically just plan mad....My marriage... My husband wants the old person back not the one that hates every thing...and is simply just trying to live. My daughter does not have a full engaged mom... I try but...I am just..  

My health sucks I have had 10x more headaches/migraines and they make me so miserable because I am always in pain and Advil just does not help...I have trouble sleeping.

 NOTHING makes me happy. At work I am killing it... I don't really care... I need to make decision on where I want to in 6 months... I can't.

I am struggling GRIEF SUCKS, having no friends close to me SUCKS... It feels like Everyone has a life so I get forgotten... It was my choice to move I know but I did it to get a new start instead I isolated myself. I don't hold it against anyone but I also don't feel like I have any support.

I sit in my truck crying my eyes out tonight because I am so TIRED of being like THIS. I try and try to find the good, the blessing, the happy and all I see is how much life SUCKS. I don't need a vacation, I don't need a therapist, I don't need to hear it is normal... 

I NEED to be over GRIEF, I need a friend.. But since I have neither... I continue to try to fight for some sort of happy...if that ever comes 









1 comment:

Carol Weigand said...

Your daughters are beautiful, hang in there I am praying for you.