DISCLAIMER

DISCLAIMER: This blog is being used to help me deal with the passing of our daughter Emelina, whom was delivered stillborn on Feb 21. These are MY feelings and I will not be sorry for having them.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Another Angel...


Another angel was given her wings yesterday....My heart breaks that another family has joined in this journey.

Hilary Weeks
Beautiful HeartbreakVideo of Beautiful Heart Break

 
 
I had it all mapped out in front of me,
Knew just where I wanted to go;
But life decided to change my plans,
And I found a mountain in the middle of my road.
 
I knew there was no way over it,
So I searched for a way around;
Brokenhearted I started climbin',
And at the top I found...
 
Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;
Was the price that I paid to see this view;
And now that I'm here I would never trade...
 
The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights;
 
I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.
 
I never dreamed my heart would make it,
I thought about turning around;
But heaven has shown me miracles,
I never would have seen from the ground.
 
Now I take the rain with the sunshine,
Cause there's one thing that I know;
He picks up the pieces,
Along each broken road.
 
Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;
Was the price that I paid to see this view;
And now that I'm here I would never trade...
 
The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights.
 
I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.
 
I would never trade...
 
The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights.
 
I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.

Month 14 on this JOURNEY

This month has been a hard month, I am not sure why after 14 months this month would jump up and hit me so hard but it has. My heart is broken.... I fight every day to find the good, the happiness ...the reason to get up and this month it seems to be worse then the past 6 months.

I am that person who when adversity hits I just work harder...cause harder makes it all better right?
This is one thing no matter how hard I work I can not get passed it...the OVERWHELMING GRIEF I feel some days. I keep wondering why does this not get easier.... I found this definition on grief tonight...
Grief is a process that no one wants to have to experience or endure, but it is inevitable. Each step of grief is necessary, but it has no timeline for completion. We can grieve in a period of days, weeks, months or years. Each moment of grief is different, and we must find our way through it on our own terms. Reference.com Definition of Grief

I am not someone who works well without time lines, without plans, without structure...that is why this process continually makes me look at who I am and what I am. I am not the women who started this journey nor and am I the women who I was before this journey...but WHO AM I???










Monday, April 8, 2013

Our Molly Bear Arrived

And my heart is overflowing with happiness. Cat got something to really remember her sister by. She is in love and that makes a stressful day at work today just dissolve.





Sunday, April 7, 2013