DISCLAIMER: This blog is being used to help me deal with the passing of our daughter Emelina, whom was delivered stillborn on Feb 21. These are MY feelings and I will not be sorry for having them.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Celebrating Emelina

We had a hard time deciding what to do on Emelina's "Angel"versy, we wanted something postive and up lifting but something that would do some good. So after hours of searching I found a local orgaizantion that provides Birthday Party Kits to low income families so the children get to celebrate there birthday.
It was a fantastic way to spend the day..
In the Superstore parking lot making up the bags
Even our dog Maddie join us

the 4 kits
One for a 2 year old Girl
One for a 5-6 year old Girl
One for a 5-6 year old Boy
One for a 7-9 year old Boy

The little girls Kit

Older Boys

Older Girl

M filling the little girls kit
Some people only dream of Angels . . .
We held one in our arms.
Thank you Emelina, for helping us change the world.

A Moment in Time.....1 year and 6 days

It felt like the world stopped spinning..this time a year ago we were preparing for your Memorial Tea......February 29, 2012

Centre Pieces
Tribute Table
You were here for such a short time but little girl you are changing the world one day at a time...as I continue to miss what you could have been...I  will continue to show the world what you are.
When days get tough, when I want to give up I remember.....You were a gift that should be remembered and loved...so I do.
♥ “Fly high, beautiful butterfly.”♥
"You'll never know how strong you are....until being strong is the only choice you have"
Where are you in this moment?

If you have a blog, will you write about this and then comment with a link below? If you don't blog, will you answer with a comment below?

We're all in this together...no matter what this moment is like for you

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Balloon Release in Honour of Emelina

By Candy Roe


They rise up in a loud whisper to greet the sky
And everyone looks who passes by.
They are unaware
Of the hope, dreams, love, and despair
That are held within each balloon floating here in the air.
They go drifting right along catching your eye
And those bright colors how they dress up the sky.
They float about freely with gentleness and ease
Up and down they move catching the breeze.
It's an overwhelming sight to see those colorful balloons
Filled with our hopes and dreams
Especially for me.
Group Shot
Leting the Balloons Go

Watching the Balloons

Oops a few got stuck

My friend M and his girls, we have been friends for close to 20 years

My Aunt L, My Cousin H and Cousin K

My Gma and my Friend J been friends for over 23 years

Cat loves cousin H

My Gma, friend J and myself

Family Picture
We spent a few hours letting balloons, and then caught up with everyone over coffee. So thankful to have my long time friends and my amazing family. Thank you for joining us.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

A day to REMEMBER....

Birthdays in Heaven
By Rhona McNally
Do angels have birthdays
in Heaven above?
Is the day they were born
treated special with love?

Do they get to have parties
with presents and cake…
Are there toys and balloons
and fun memories to make?

Do the candles increase
as the years come and go…
Do our angels get big
Does the time let them grow?

Only God knows the answers
And angels above...

Happy birthday sweet Emelina
You will always be loved.

Happy 1st “Angel”versary Baby.

Love Always,
Mommy, Daddy and Cat

This summer we did a ballon release close to what would have been Emelina's 6 month "birthday"
Thank you to our fantastic Photographer Pam Dykstra and our friends for the use of there home.




Such a small girl but you truly have changed the world



Sunday, February 10, 2013

What a difference a year makes....

I am no where close to where I was last year....

I have spent 2012 grieving the loss of my second daughter
I spent only 4 months on Mat leave
I spent almost 3 months being a single mom while my husband established himself in a new job
I spent 2.5 months on my own...1 month in my own home and 6 weeks with an amazing friends family
I have spent the past 3 months reestablishing myself in a new job
I have a support network that I could never have imaged...but honestly I am honored to have them support me on this journey as they awe me with there compassion and strength.

A few days ago I admitted that I am tired....tired of fighting back, tired of working hard to be a "normal" parent to Cat, tired of trying....I want to be happy and that is not in my cards right now. I use to be confident, I use to know where our lives were going...I had a plan...my plan now does not go past 6 months and even then I expect nothing... I am not the person I was, I am NO where close to were I saw myself, but I can't be angry....

Both my husband and I have had outstanding years for our careers. I am working with possibly one of the best bosses ( and I have had 3 fantastic bosses to date). I am closer to family that means everything to me...missing other family...but in a better place. Every day for the first 10 months I opened my eyes in the morning and said to myself, I can do this... Some days have sucked and some days have made me cry but every day I give thanks that I have people that care so much that when I need it there is a facebook message, a text or better yet a friendly face.

In 7 days, we are celebrating the beautiful daughters life with a balloon release in Edmonton my hometown. In 11 days we are delivering  Birthday Kits to our local food bank in her honour, not sure what else the day will hold as honestly I am not sure...