Where am I....I feel like I am even forgetting I should have an infant...strange as it may seem but I do until we are with my sister or friends that have infants and it reminds me were I SHOULD BE...this weekend I through my first social gathering since the memorial tea and it was hard...I had stomach pains for the first part and found all the chaos too much which is strange since I am always for it. I have needed to start moving forward and I think I have until something happens to remind me that my life should be different.
My husband is moving in less then 2 weeks and it is easy for me to hide my sadness in the crazy life we have right now but something, something reminds me and yesterday it was on our way to visit a friend with an infant daughter that set me off and caused my whole day to be a rough one. We had to cancel at the last moment as on the way I completely broke down as I could not deal with a baby girl...Mariusz and Cat are going to visit them next week without me and it hurts. I was looking forward to this baby girl being born and 6 weeks later I can only look from afar...I know it is normal but it sucks beyond words. I want to support them but all I can do is get out of bed in the morning and go about my day in a world that now has me avoiding friends, crying and has a huge whole in my heart.
I am still wondering WHY...I know that I will make this painful journey one that will make a difference in other women's lives but it is still not a journey that anyone of us want to be on. I know I am STRONGER then ever before and more dedicated to my FAMILY then ever before but still some days getting out of bed is still the hardest thing I have to do...
♥ “We are grieving, We are not contagious, We are not sad all the time, We laugh, We smile, We cry, We weep for being happy, We live, We talk, We feel, We come from every background, We are sad, we lost a baby, We are…” -Jennifer Davis ♥