DISCLAIMER: This blog is being used to help me deal with the passing of our daughter Emelina, whom was delivered stillborn on Feb 21. These are MY feelings and I will not be sorry for having them.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother's Day

I have had many different ideas about what to write about this weekend and finally today as I was driving to my friend J's for a yummy lunch it hit me....In the past 7 I have viewed Mother's Day as a day for me, so we have dinner on the Saturday with my Mother in Law and my Mom, so that on Mother's Day I get to do what I want to do...some years this is brunch, a picnic with a friends family at the lake, sometimes just sleeping in...This year is so different for me I DO NOT want to celebrate or even acknowledge it....but Cat has worked so hard at school on a gift as well as has such big ideas on Mother's Day that I don't want to discourage her.

What I want to celebrate are the women in my life that are making a difference in big and small ways....These women are not all mothers but women who constantly make time to help me along my journey...

The first is my Mom....she is an amazing women who has raised 5 children...last one graduates in just under 2 months she has someone in school for 26 years.....that is alot of years of education. She has been with us since day one of our journey is always willing to take Cat and Mad dog so we can have a break and is a large reason why we have made some of the big decisions in our life.

My friend K, who knew answering a thread looking for running partners I would meet such an amazing women (her husband S isn't bad either :-)) she is always willing to listen to my crazy thoughts. Her support through this is a huge reason why I have not gone off the deep end. She also has some pretty cute kids that I adore as there were my niece and nephews.
My Friend J, 4.5 year ago I started working for my company and this amazingly brilliant women taught me all of her tricks...she also lives in Chilliwack and although we don't always get to visit enough both her and her husband are amazingly generous people. She has provided an objectivity to my journey allowing me to understand how people on the outside can sometimes feel lost.
My friend S,what can I say 4.5 years ago I started at a new branch and met S, I never expected someone my mom's age could be such an amazing friend...She brings an experienced  perspective to all my parenting challenges and through this journey is here for whatever I need. Lunch, dinner or a coffee date to do her tax returns (LOL). She also has some amazing daughters, one that is most trusted hairdresser, one that lives abroad who's pictures I love to check out and the youngest one that works for a local Credit Union and has a love for cooking that S always has a story about.

My Neighbour S, since they moved in 6 years ago this family has become our biggest support, whether it is walking Mad Dog, or grabbing Cat off the bus I am late...S and the family are always here for us. Makes me never want to leave....
My friend G, when I started at the Chilliwack branch G was on a medical leave all I had ever heard were S's stories about G and how amazing she was...so when I was asked to trainer her when she came back from medical leave I was so excited...G has had so many many obstacles in her life and is so amazingly positive and a fighter. As I go through my journey of grief I think of her and how her life is constantly in question....my fight is no life or death hers is and if she can do it so can I....This women is truly someone I look up to...
My husband's friend A, she and her husband have been trying for years to have a baby and are struggling and every day has her own struggles and she still sat with me one evening and let me talk about the loss...I can't even image what pain she goes through every month but what I can tell you I understand what that Mother's Day is as painful for me as it is for her...wanting to be a mom and your body not allowing it.

My friend D, one of my many mom friends whose support simply with kind words and always looking to have a good times at our "games" nights makes so I can enjoy myself and smile once in awhile...
My Aunt L, she is always has a supportive word to say when I am need it on my weight loss journey, a corny saying as her status or stories of her son that remind me of Cat...She is crazy (she proved it by sky diving last weekend) but her home is always open for us to visit and I know she and my uncle are always just a phone call away.

My grandma aka Tata... is always a phone call or email away for any help or support I need. She and I have not always seen eye to eye but what else do you get when we are both strong women. In her life time she has achieved many success' and had some hurt as well but one can never fault her for the love she has for her family.

My Grandma (mama) passed away 9 years ago this July, she has been missed since the day she left us and is part of the reason I am able to have a little bit of comfort in Emelina's passing as I know she is taking care of by beautiful little girl. Every day I wish my girl was with me but knowing that she has one of the most giving and loving woman to hold her makes it a little bit easier.

My cousin K, she is one amazing young women, she lost her mom at a very young age and has had some family struggles but this women makes me so proud every day to be related to her...she is soo much more then my cousin but my sister. She has taken every challenge and faced it...she is working her way through a degree in science...she is not stopping at a degree no this women is going for her masters I believe last time she was here it was possible her PHD as well. She has a huge heart for those closest to her and every time I think of her Mother (my aunt) I remember her smile and love her babies. Her Mom, is another small bit of why I know Emelina is truly in a good place, not where I want her...

When I started this journey I had no idea that some of my  friends would not join me and as much as it hurt when I realized this last month I also realized that the women who have joined me are truly selfless women, I am not a person who generally asks for much but with these women I have never asked they have just been there. There are so many more women, who have had lunch with me, written messages, posted pictures, told me their loss stories,  have written comments here with words of support and wisdom. Whether you have a child in your arms, your heart or are an amazing women providing support to me THANK YOU....you are what makes waking up at little bit easier as well as make me appreciate that this journey I am on may leave a HUGE hole in my heart but it makes me realize how incredible special it is to have so many women care about me.

So this Mother's Day I am going to honour all the women who have made a lasting impact on my life because to be honest these Women are shaping me which in turn is going to make me a better person and Mother. I ask all my readers to do the same....to remember that as women we need to support each other and a simple message, email or phone call will make a big difference.

Here are some pictures through the years with my very special girl, Cat:

I have very few pictures of 2005- 2007 on my computer as they are all burnt to DVD but this is what I found

August 2006

August 2007

May 2008

April 2009

May 2010

May 2011

January 2012 with both my girls (30 weeks)

Emelina's Hand (Feb 2012)


Wiley's Mommy said...

Hope you're having a peaceful Mother's day!

Tesha said...

What a beautiful post to honor the special women in your life. I pray your day was blessed and peaceful. Happy Mothers day!