I should be......
- lacking in sleep
- juggling a newborn and a busy 6.5 year old
- spending my free time cuddling with my little girl
- driving my husband crazy shopping for cute girls clothes we don't "NEED"
- worrying if she was getting enough food
- wearing maternity clothes
- wondering if I would get a shower today
- struggling to make dinner
- be going overboard in holiday planning
Instead What I am doing
- Hitting the gym or the pool 4-5x a week
- wearing all my Pre-pregnancy clothes
- planning my back to work return in June
- hiding out at Cat's activities so I don't have to deal with babies or other parents
- getting 8-10 hours of sleep
- just getting through the holidays
- Wishing everyday that I have Emmie with us
- Planning on going Zip lining in August with Cat for her 7th Birthday
- Shortening our Summer plans since I am going back to work in June and have reduced holidays
Most days I am constantly thinking about what I should be doing...what I can tell you is the guilt that I am moving forward is less but my sadness is still strong. My husband mentioned the last time he say me be happy was weeks ago...to be exact 8 weeks...
8 weeks ago I had just finished the nursery and was getting ready to work my last 3 weeks of work...instead I was off 3 weeks early and left the hospital without my daughter. I would give up so many things to have her with us....every single silver lining moment is surrounded in sadness because I know I shouldn't be doing them.
8 weeks ago my life changed and it will NEVER be the same and the only thing that keeps be going forward is knowing that I can be strong and I will come out of this storm STRONGER, BETTER and THANKFUL....when that will be...who knows...but I do know I will come out....