DISCLAIMER: This blog is being used to help me deal with the passing of our daughter Emelina, whom was delivered stillborn on Feb 21. These are MY feelings and I will not be sorry for having them.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Small Victories and Great Friends

This is what my husband says every time I am looking for a phrase to explain an achievements as it seems like I am trying to find something positive every day since it is so easy to be negative...I am trying to focus on theses victories, and finding small goals to strive for to make LIFE more manageable.

Today is my first day at home by myself...and I have 2 loads of laundry almost done, got rid of all the dead flowers from last week and am dressed in yoga pants but I am still out of my PJ's...helps that we had my cleaning lady coming so I have had some company...for a short time, my last goal for today is to make something for dinner, since our fridge is full of veggies, I am thinking either a veggie soup or pasta and sauce...we have found in the freezer but I thought I would attempt to cook for the first time in over 2 week.

Yesterday I achieved so many things that I am trying to keep today lower key....I drove for the first time in almost 2 weeks, I have had my licence for 12 years and this is the longest I have gone without driving...since I drove to the hospital we have been down to one car due to leaving Mariusz car at my mom's house, and yesterday we went to pick it up so I got to drive the truck...so strange. We went out to a movie in Mission with one of my best GF and her boys, we all had a great time, and I felt "normal" afterwards we headed over to her place and hung out with them for the evening. This is the first time my GF and I have had to discuss Emmie's passing...we did it, I didn't cry but I felt so much better after it... The only fail of yesterday was that the Chinese food we got had MSG in it so we ended up having to drop the car back off to my mom's house and straight to bed I went last night as I got my second migraine in 4 days...Thanks G family, we all needed a visit with you!

Saturday this weekend also saw us getting out after dinner for Ice Cream with my other best GF and her family...Mariusz tried 2x to get me out of the house and I won't leave because my head was still hurting add on to that Mariusz and I had our first disagreement....This is the longest I think we have gone with our disagreeing haha......since Emmie's passing. It was over him wanting to go shooting with his brother this weekend. I said I would prefer he didn't simplify because of a few things, the biggest is that my due date is Friday and Saturday was suppose to be my last working day....as well as that means he is out of the house for 6 full days and this is my first week alone....I want him to get away from all of this but I need him right now....shortly after this I broke down sobbing...which did not help my head or my mood..The Ice Cream invite came at a good time, thanks R family.

Tomorrow's goal is to head south with the Kiddo to get gas and pick up a few things waiting for us at Ship Happens after which a fun afternoon bowling with My GF's and their kids...I am the odd one out though...they each have 3 and I will have one.....

And I forgot this one....my weight I am back to by first appointment weight now to get below...just waiting for the OK from the midwives so I can hit the gym...

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