♥ “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” -E.M. Forester ♥
As I work to be willing to let go of my plans...I have been working out for the past week, and for the most part I feel so much better, today I worked it hard out of sadness...because deep down I know I should not be working out I should be with my newborn and since I can't be I am desperately trying to find the silver lining..and that is I have 10ish weeks before I go back to work so I am going to make the best of them.
One of this "silver lining" things is that on Monday we went to the Lady A concert, as I was driving to Abbotsford (30 mins away) to pick up my husband I cried, all the way because all I could think is we should NOT be going to this concert I should have been in labour or had a newborn...I ended up enjoying myself more then I had ever thought but I still feel like I should have gone...bittersweet is what it was... I also spent my drive on Sunday back from my mom's house crying as well because I was thinking about how my dad was away in Vietnam for 10 days and he was bring back some gifts for the grand kids and instead of him buying 3 dolls he was only buying 2...
People ask how we are, well a month into this process, I am:
- focusing on getting my work out done each day
- focusing on not planning more then a week out
- reminding myself that am surround by an amazing support system, filled with family, friends and coworkers
- reminding myself that it is OKAY to cry
- reminding myself that it is OKAY to be happy
- reminding myself that it is OKAY to simply be
And the Kiddo...well she has been my main concern and she is okay, some days she has a few meltdowns and others she amazes us with her maturity and compassion...her biggest complaint this past weekend was that she wants to spend more time with her baby cousin...so somehow we are going to have to arrange that...even though I am not ready for spending time with my nephew (for those that don't know he was born just after midnight on the 23rd of Feb)
One month into this journey down.....so many more to come.....