DISCLAIMER

DISCLAIMER: This blog is being used to help me deal with the passing of our daughter Emelina, whom was delivered stillborn on Feb 21. These are MY feelings and I will not be sorry for having them.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Feelings....

This post is probably going to be a post with no clear direction as my mind has been swirling....

Yesterday was the memorial tea for my little girl....so many emotions...FEAR was the largest, avoidance and just plainly sad....I shouldn't be here...I should be anywhere but here. I has shocked at how many people came out to the tea, people that I never would have expected like my regional VP, and Mariusz's work had people from all departments come...as well as all of our amazing friends...Fear not I will be leaning on you now that I am out of my self imposed solitary confinement.

In the last week, I have been struggling to not be afraid of people, especially our friends, I LOVE them, but having to face people who were as excited as were for the birth of the newest member to the "group". I am not someone who likes to be on the receiving end of anything, I much prefer to be the giver and in the background. So I am not only dealing with grief but am learning some heavy duty lessons here about myself and my relationship with my dearest hubby.

Today was the first day back to school for Cat, I asked Mariusz to stay home with me on Cat's first full day back to give me some support as well as because I am "afraid" to be home by myself (something that is new to me). So we went to the dump, value village as well as my dearest took me for lunch, we shared a sandwich at Original Joe's, then home to put away the items from the tea. And now Mariusz and Cat are out at the park with a friend who brought dinner for us....

Speaking of dinner, let me tell you how much I am shocked and again humbled we have received sooo many meals as well as have received GC's for dinner out amazing is what everyone is...my freezer that Mariusz and I had been working to empty so we could do a big cook this week to prepare for the baby is almost full again. I have never thought a meal could mean so much, and be so appreciated. One less thing for us really Mariusz to worry about...food for me is more of a necessity verses something I want to eat.

That is it for today....I am sure I will have more soon....

No comments: