DISCLAIMER: This blog is being used to help me deal with the passing of our daughter Emelina, whom was delivered stillborn on Feb 21. These are MY feelings and I will not be sorry for having them.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Due Date

Yes today was Emmie's due date....and what is the first thing I see on my facebook a friend of mine gave birth to her 3 rd child this morning on Emmie's due date...I am happy for them they are super sweet people, they put out an amazing book http://www.imaginekids.ca/ Cat and my niece were part of the book last year . As well as they took an image that we had of Emmie's hand with ours and made us a print of it and it is now sitting on our fire place right by our TV.

Here is a picture of it at from the Memorial Tea

Today, I had a visit from my Midwives at the house, I am very thankful that I have had my midwifes they have provided me support I never would have thought I would have. I have had weekly visits to my home the past 2 weeks and they will do my 4 week visit and 6 week visit at my home as well to make it easier on me. I spent 2 hours speaking with Hayley today and I feel much better about where I am in my grieving process as well as gave me the okay to start working out. We spent a fair but of time speaking about my delivery, as well as my pregnancy as well as what my next one would look like....

I am finding today I am much sadder then I was yesterday but that is not a surprise as I expected it. I looked at the due date as my last day of work more then anything as I was sure Emmie was going to be late like her sister....My midwife says that she asked an OB GYN about her size as she was only 5lbs 2 ozs at 38 weeks...I just grow small babies...not a bad thing I think?

It is hard to have so many friends having babies as well as showers, last weekend I was suppose to go to a shower for a friend that I had cancelled on, this weekend my sister is having a shower and once again I am not going....I am not really up to seeing my sister and really not interested in seeing her son...I know it is harsh but I am so angry that my daughter is coming home in an Urn.....I am going to finally call my Employee Cares line tonight since my time today has gone so quickly, to get them working on counselling as I know these feeling .... One always thinks that having babies close to your friends is a good thing...well if you are in my boat it SUCKS...because everyone else is celebrating and I am missing my baby....and wondering WHY?

Some people only dream of angels...I held one in my arms

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