DISCLAIMER

DISCLAIMER: This blog is being used to help me deal with the passing of our daughter Emelina, whom was delivered stillborn on Feb 21. These are MY feelings and I will not be sorry for having them.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Day 34 of this journey

The past week and a bit have been busy...I have really tried to get out to visit with friends as well as have been working out 5 days a week which I find has made my days fly by...and the past two days with Cat being back at school, I have been shocked by how fast 2:30 pm comes around.

Today I headed out later to the pool for my workout, because I had no desire to go, but I DID it.  And was home just before Cat got off the bus.....I did my workout because in a few weeks I am going to be measured and I want to be successful. I have no excuses of being too busy because lets be realistic I am NOT busy. I find stuff to do but none of it is more important then my health, I also find it awesome for my mental health for the most part....yesterday was hard on the treadmill my shins were sore and my Ipod was dead :-( so it was a tough run but the workout made me feel so strong.

Emotionally is hit and miss... I expected that when I started working on the thank you cards that I had ordered that is would so hard...it was easier then I thought they would be.I figured it would be very emotional, but to be honest they were not at all. I found them therapeutic and humbling. So many people have done so many nice things for us, sent so many beautiful cards and most importantly sent us beautiful, thoughtful messages. Tomorrow they will hit the mail, I can't wait for people to receive them because I want to people to realize how much they mean to us as well as how much there support has meant to us.

I did something I have never done before and that was cancel a trip state side. I love going to Seattle, we do a stateside trip every 2-3 months because I love to shop down south as well as love to explore. I just could not get the motivation or desire to want to go...I have been dreading it hugely the past few weeks. I mentioned it to my friend K, and she suggested we join them for Easter and I was sold, shortly after the reservation was cancelled. I feel so much relief, I thought a trip would be nice but instead I was dreading not being at home. When I am home I feel safe as well as am some what able to control my situations where as I felt like traveling I was losing that control. I already feel that my control has disappeared when it comes to most things so why push it, soon enough I will want to travel (I LOVE it) so why make myself regret it.

I have been dreading Easter shopping and was able to get most of Cat's gift today at Staples (of all places) all that is left is to pick up is the candy and her one gift from us a scooter both of which Mariusz is going to do. I usually do more for holidays with planning etc but this year is going to be very low key...no Easter hunt other then the house this year...

Off to bed...early workout tomorrow as my friend K is coming to lunch tomorrow, then off to Cat's dentist appointment, skating and then off to dinner at my friends J's house...busy, busy day.

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